Candor and Cancer

A darkening ocean drowned my hopeful horizon
A startling notion downed what I used to have my eyes on

It stole my yearning and looted my wonder
It took my happiness for its plunder
It laughed maniacally in my general direction
Then left me reeling with this bitter infection

The woeful pain gasps for every breathe
The willful strain of what should be has left

It pillaged my flesh down to the smallest cell
It cast aside the idea that I might get well
It taunted me jeeringly, oozing attrition
And haunted my thoughts and my losing condition

Oh how I want to break free of this prison
Oh how I long to undo God’s decision

It hinders my progress and wipes away my smile
It renders my heart crippled and fills me with guile
It hastens my journey to this very life
And plasters my spirit with envy and strife

If I could forget what life used to be
Then I might not remember what now tortures me

The memories are vivid of life teaming with glee
I blossomed and bloomed like a spring-time tree
But it’s scratched at my trunk and chopped on my branches
And shaken my leaves off and all that enhances

I feel I’m inhabited by venomous creatures
I want to hide when you stare at my skeleton features

It heckles and vexes and stands in my way
My freckles are hexes revealing more every day
It erases my memories, kills my good tastes
And lays my sore muscles in its violent waste

I want to know why, I demand an answer
Why am I blessed with this candor and cancer?

By Royce Waxenfelter
1/3/08
(an ode to my friend Sara, currently in remission)