Shanty of the Dry, Dry Land

I went to sea one misty morn

And puked my guts out overboard

Seafarin’ life just ain’t for me,

Get me off’a this gol’ darn sea!

 

Now the only songs I sing 

Are ones about farmin’ and sowin’ seed

You can take the rollin’ deep sea life

I’ll take the arms of my dear, sweet wife

 

For I ain’t been sailin’ since that fateful day

And I ain’t goin’ again, no matter the pay

Tease me all you like ‘bout being a man

I’ll sing this shanty on the dry, dry land

 

Hey! Ho! To the market I go

To buy my fish and purchase my roe

Dry! Land! Is the life for me

When I die you can throw me in the deep blue sea

 

We both have regrets for what we’ve said

We both love our dear ol’ mum and dad

Barnacles, tentacles, beasts of the sea

Here is the difference ‘tween you and me

 

You were born with the wind in your hair

A bucket for swabbin’ in the salty air

But I was born on the dry, dry land

Seeds in my pocket and a plow in me hand

 

You run the danger of the pirate hoard

Or you may get swept overboard

Politicians and lawyers are the sharks I fear

And I sell my corn for a buck an ear

 

Hey! Ho! To the market I go

To buy my fish and purchase my roe

Dry! Land! Is the life for me

When I die you can throw me in the deep blue sea

 

Thar she blows! I’ll never cry out

Never search the horizon for a blowhole spout

I won’t batten down hatches or swab the poop deck

Go deep sea divin’ in an old shipwreck

I won’t be navigatin’ by the stars alone

‘Nor piercin’ my nose with a wet whale bone

I won’t climb the crows nest to spot the shore

Or get stung by a Portuguese man o’ war

 

Won’t tell no stories of the great blue whale

Never buried any treasure, or hoisted a sail

Haven’t met a mermaid, smuggled contraband

‘Cause I live my life on the dry, dry land

 

Hey! Ho! To the market I go

To buy my fish and purchase my roe

Dry! Land! Is the life for me

When I die you can throw me in the deep blue sea

 

Oy!

 

By Royce Waxenfelter

12/2/20