Fall Downfall

I stumble in for coffee, I spit on the ground

I humbly despise this New England town

I step outside and the colors fall down

All of God’s splendor are the leaves on the ground

I get what I need and drag myself home

I sit on the couch, I sit all alone

I escape to my phone to buy gems that aren’t real

But there’s no escaping the regret that I feel

    “Boston in the fall,” she said

    Her bucket list dream

    But we never made it

    As sad as it seems

I used to get high, an excuse to get low

My wife was patient, much more than you’d know

I’d lie and I’d promise “We’ll get there someday,

We’ll travel the world, we’ll see everything.”

But I’d spend all my time in a world in my phone

The day my wife died she was virtually alone

A little too late and after withdrawal

I packed and I moved up to Boston that fall

    “Boston in the fall,” she said

    Her bucket list dream

    But we never made it

    As sad as it seems

I should have done right by her, but I put it off

Now whatever I try to do just isn’t enough

I just quit trying again and close all the blinds

Try to black out the colors engrained in my mind

I dream she is here with me, Boston in the fall

Her eyes full of jubilance, her spirit enthralled

Her hopeful exuberance, her gleeful call

My waking reality is my fall downfall

    “Boston in the fall,” she said

    Her bucket list dream

    But we never made it

    As sad as it seems

By Royce Waxenfelter

4/19/23